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In John chapter 4, I said there were two things that stuck out to me. One was Jesus pursuing me, and the other, which I will speak of today, was worship. I have read this story so many times, and every time, I seemed to miss Jesus' big point at the end about worship. The woman and Jesus have an entire conversation on it, and somehow, I missed it.
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about worship. I'm not pinning these "accusations" down on anyone but myself, but I'm sure we can all relate, just like this woman at the well. As for me, I have always tried to limit the definition of worship. I was so used to worship being a Sunday morning thing full of singing, hymnals, and some radical people placing their hands in the air as they looked at the hymnals and sang the songs. And that's all it was to me. I knew that I was supposed to worship, and it was supposed to be a way to thank God and show him my love for him; but, I never saw it that way. I put worship in a box, my box, and became an observer of people who didn't seem very excited to worship in the first place. To me, this made worship seem very boring. Plus, I have a most terrible voice, well, I think so anyway.
Eventually, people bothered me about my lack of worship. At youth group trips, I'd be pestered about not jumping and basically becoming a "youth groupie" of the latest mediocre Christian band. Back home in church, someone, not many though, would occasionally ask why I did just stand there silently. Even I knew my excuse of "I hate to sing" would not be a suitable answer, so I had to come up with a new excuse, which wasn't hard at all; it's so much easier to find an excuse to NOT do something than it is to find a reason to DO something. So, my new excuse, which was so cheesy by the way, was, "I like to look at the lyrics and think about them." Ha, yeah right. I just didn't want to leave my comfort zone. I didn't want to sing a song that meant nothing to me. And sadly, this was the story of my life until recently.
My other problem with worship didn't end there. The definition I gave to the concept of worship was it was a Sunday morning thing, not just a "church" thing. Even at church, we didn't do any kind of worshiping at youth group, Bible studies, Sunday School, or for anything else. We saved that for Sunday morning when the kids sang "Jesus Loves Me" in the basement as the adults sang "The Old Rugged Cross" or something like that upstairs. I never considered doing any worshiping on my own, or at all for that matter. But when I did think of worship, it was for Sundays, and it was an obligation; nothing more.
Since then, I have changed my understanding of worship. I don't have a definition for it, though, because I don't think we can limit worship, or anything of or for God, to a mere man made definition. I realized that just as I cannot limit worship to a definition, I cannot limited it to a single action. Worshiping can be singing (Psalm 81:1). Worship can be screaming or shouting (Psalm 71:23). Worship can we writing or poetry (look at any Psalm!) Worship can be music (Psalm 135:3). Worship can be praying (Psalm 134:2). Worship can be anything!(1 Cor. 10:31) And I could continue to go on, but I think you get the point.
Another thing I realized is I don't need a group of people to worship. In no way am I saying that worshiping together isn't a good thing; it's one of the best things ever! I think the thing I liked the most about Hot Metal Bridge Faith Community was how we worshiped together. All of us would cram into our collapsible tent, which we called our zip lock bag, and we'd just worship. We did this on the hottest summer days, and on the coldest winter days. But it was so amazing! No mater what our circumstances were, we worshiped together anywhere! This morning, I got a text message from a friend who said her Sunday morning service was going to held outside on the college campus. I wish I could have been there to see X amount of believers shouting praises to God on this wonderful spring day in the middle of a campus. The church in Acts worshiped together all the time; but what I am trying to say is both are great and necessary! So if I am alone and feel like worshiping God, I don't have to wait until Sunday morning to do it, though it is something to look forward to. :)
So how is this a continuation of my last blog? Well, Jesus and the woman at the well talk all about worship. At first, she has her own misconceptions of worship. She talks to Jesus about the correct place to worship, and the right people to worship with. But right away, Jesus says, " Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. 24God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth."
So what's Jesus saying here? Well first of all, he doesn't limit the location of worship. It can be anywhere and at anytime, for worshiping is a mater of the spirit. So how does that conenct to Jesus pursuing us? When I reread this passage, I saw that Jesus didn't automatically say, "Hey, I'm God; worship me!" Instead, he showed her what he had to offer; an eternal relationship which will quench her thirst and longing. Only then does worship come up. After all, how are we supposed to worship that which we don't know? It's only after we let Jesus pursue us taht we can really begin to worship him. After we begin this relationship with him, we have a real personal reaon to worship him.The worship Jesus wants is not that of some distant deity demanding tribute and praise; instead, he becomes close and personal, wanting us to have a fullfilling life and relationship with him.
Recently, I've been spending a lot of time in John. And just a couple of days ago, I read the story of Jesus and the Samaritan at the well (John 4:1-26). One thing I've been doing lately when I quietly listen to God through the Bible is try to read carefully and between the lines. We all probably want to try to accomplish this, me especially as an English major :), but it doesn't always work out so well. While God's Word is clear, we often muddy it up with our own ideas, our own interpretations, and just the simple fact that we've heard these stories so often. That's probably my biggest problem. I turn a perfect, God inspired piece into a short story which I've heard hundreds of times. Stories like Jesus at the well can "lose" their significance to me simply because I've heard them so often, and because of this, I know what is going to happen. It loses its trait of suspense and with it, my full attention. So now, I am trying to reread these stories, and the whole Bible in general, with new eyes, God's eyes. Before, I thought this passage in John was a nice little story. I summed it up as Jesus reveling himself to this woman and telling her of how her thirst can only be quenched by him. And this, of course, is true. But there is so much more to this story.(Please read John4:1-26 now, so I don't have to explain the whole thing in a tiny blog; besides, God words it better than I would. For your convience, here it is on line: http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=john+4&version1=51). Particularly, in this reading of John, I saw a few things; Jesus going out of his way to have an intimate relationship with this woman, and their thoughts on worship (I'll save the worship blog for another day). The beginning of this passage starts with, " 4 He had to go through Samaria on the way." But did he? I looked at a map and did a little brief research, and concluded that geographically, Jesus DID NOT have to go through this town. In fact, most Jews tried to avoid this area; plus, it was out of his way, and a fairly difficult travel. But Jesus, seeing the bigger picture, knew that he did have to go through this village, not for travel reasons, but for this woman. He went out of his way for this one woman just so she could know him personally. 2000+ years later, he still continues to do this. Each day, I am continually amazed at how Jesus goes out of his way just so he can have a relationship with me; just so he can listen to me both complain and praise; just so he can talk to me. Even when I am trying to ignore God, he still goes out of his way to bring me back. And why? Why would the Creator of the Universe go out of his way for me? Why would he want that relationship in the first place? And besides, wasn't Jesus' coming to earth and sacrifice enough? The disciples, in verse 27 had the same question.Even though he has done more than enough already, he still is seeking me, even when I am not seeking him. Jesus wants this close relationship with me, with us. He gets so much joy from it, but more importantly, he wants this relationship because he knows we need it. When left to ourselves, we become thirsty; we become lost into the darkness of our problems and the world. And though my relationship with Christ doesn't eliminate these problems, it gives me something even better. It gives me a God who listens; who really cares; who doesn't let me down; who truly knows me.
He would, and has, done everything to pursue me. Sometimes, he uses other people to reveal himself to me; other times, he shows me himself by leading me to certain passages.
This reminds me of Death Cab's song, "I Will Possess Your Heart." I like to picture Jesus singing about how he will, against all odds, possess my heart after all of his pursuing, and after all of my rejections; and he's still willing to do it, regardless of how long it will take.How I wish you could see the potential The potential of you and me It's like a book elegantly bound But in a language that you can't read ****There are days when outside your window I see my reflection as I slowly pass And I long for this mirrored perspective When we'll be lovers, lovers at last****You reject my advances and desperate pleas I won't let you let me down so easily So easily
I have been looking forward to writing this for some time. Ever since I started to be more honest with God and some other people, I started to really look at the book of Acts. I wanted to see what the church in Acts was all about; how they did things, how often they met, and other things like that. I was amazed at how God was showing himself to me, but Acts was amazing me even further. I would get so excited when I read Acts, and it made me wonder why I am not experiencing these great things with other people. So then, I got the idea to write a blog about it. I tried to convince myself that this blog entry would be about showing a few selected people what the church really was, but really, I was just going to use it to show them their flaws. I wanted to show them they were doing everything wrong, and their idea of the church was totally polluted. Then, I realized who am I to show them what the church should be? Why should someone like me, one who tries to use God's church as a tool for condemning, show a few other Christians their flaws?
As a result, this blog entry was born; not out of judgment, but out of compassion. When I went through Acts and Jesus' prayer for future believers, I realized that what Jesus wanted was not a check list church. And once again, who am I to speak for Christ, but one thing I can be sure about, since he says it so many times in just one paragraph, is that he wanted and still wants us to be united. In John 17:21, Jesus prays that we will become one, just as he is one with God. In this short prayer, Jesus asks for our unity about four times, and not just any unity, but a unity that makes us as close as he is to God. That's pretty close.
So instead of writing this about where the church is screwing up, I focused on the unity, whether we have it or now. I, personally, can't show the joy that Christ offers us Christians and the church, but I can point us to Acts. I get so excited when I read the first couple books of Acts. How amazing would it be if we were united like that? How much joy would we have if we were honest with each other? How great would it be if we met regularly just so we could be with each other? Can we even comprehend the fact that we could be as close to each other as Christ is to God? I know I can't. At first, I thought that I was not doing my best to make that happen. The truth is, I'm not, but it's not up to me. It's up to us to invite God to unite us. If we invited God to actually be part of us instead of only viewing him as the reason we meet, think of the doors he would open for us!
I don't claim to absolutely know God or his plan, because that would simply be an untrue statement, but I have experienced the huge amount of joy that he has given me from just trying to be united with him. Because of that, I am not going to sit here and type out a list of things we need to do. I'm not going to tell you everything that's wrong with the church. If you want an answer to that, just look at me and my faults; there are a bunch, but God's helping me through them! Anyway, I still think it is important to point out the great joy and other unfathomable things that God gives to the church, and to us individually, through becoming one with him and his other followers.
"Here's what I'm saying: Ask and you'll get; Seek and you'll find; Knock and the door will open.Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need" (Luke 11:9-13, The Message)."Test me in this and see if I don't open up heaven itself to you and pour out blessings beyond your wildest dreams. For my part, I will defend you against marauders, protect your wheat fields and vegetable gardens against plunderers" (Malachi 3:11, The Message). I don't think I really ever believed these verses, until now. I mean, I believed them in an intellectual sense, and I could have written on them before, but now, I realize how personal and real these promises actually are. As a college student, it is no secret that my wallet is not overflowing; well, it is overflowing with bills anyway, but not cash :( And I think that is part of the reason I have come to realize the truth of these verses. I never asked due to a couple of reasons. First, I always made the mistake of depending on other people. Both friends and family are only human, and they can only be reliable for so long. This is not because these people mean to be unreliable, it's just not possible for any one person to cater to everyone's needs. Second, I have always separated material, earthly related things from the spiritual ones. Because of this, I never asked God for anything like financial help. I might selfishly pray for a test or something after weeks of ignoring God, but that was about the most I ever asked for, and even then, I really didn't believe I'd get much help. Plus, separating the material from the spiritual made it even easier to not physically give back to God, let alone give Him my trust. This was my norm for a while; separating the spiritual from the material from the real life. It was nice for a while, relying on myself or a few other people. I was accountable to no one and spent money on what ever I could. Then, recently, I was smacked in the face by the real world. I was promised by someone that my rent, bills, spending money, and Thailand trip money would all be provided for by that person. Well, that turned out to be an unreliable promise for one reason or another, and I was left with little money while my pay check went to the bills I could afford, which is not much when you are a work-study student. The more important bills, such as rent and utilities, were uncontrolled thanks to this person and my income, though there was no hope for the Thailand trip. My parents were of no help; my grandparents were of no help; and that left no one else. I mean, who else would be willing to lend me nearly $1000 for a summer trip?! For some reason, I finally started to really pray about this and money in general, and I know a few other people were/are doing the same for me (you know who you are, thanks!). At first, I got peace of mind from this, and that made me happy enough. It felt great to not worry about getting the money for this trip, even though I didn't know, and still don't know if it will be provided. Nonetheless, I kept praying about this, but instead of me demanding that I go on this trip and have everything else taken care of, I simply asked God to do what He sees best, because at this point, I realized that my plans and intentions are not nearly as good; actually, they are usually pretty bad and selfish. Then, by just adding that to the prayer, I felt even better again, which made me get closer in this whole relationship. After all that, I felt like I made out pretty well. I felt better, I wasn't worrying, and I got back on track. But God didn't stop there. He had better plans, better than, and more than I had expected. I asked for this on Friday night, and my answer came the next morning (after I felt better and happier...). That Saturday morning, I enjoyed a nice talk and breakfast with William at Big Dog, which has the best oatmeal and coffee I've ever had! Here, God provided some much needed fellowship and some awesome oatmeal. And this Thursday, William and I are going back for some more! Then on Sunday, I got my free Communion lunch from Hot Metal, like usual, topped with some fellowship with people I've never met before. Monday, was when even more crazy stuff started happening. It started out with my psychology professor giving me cookies; my writing professor giving me hummus and chips, then a bunch of ethnic food later on. Between classes, I went to the coffee shop, even though I had no money. I was going to go to the library instead, I even walked all the way there, but I turned around, and went to the coffee shop because I randomly felt like it, which is weird because I never do that. Anyway, I got there and sat down by myself. A few minutes later, my small group leader shows up (who knows nothing yet about my financial situation and earlier prayer) and she asks if she can buy me anything. That left me pretty awestruck, and that further confirmed the idea that God really was providing after I asked. Then, one of my friends from the same group showed up, and offered the same thing! At this point, I was getting very full and decided that God was being "too generous" :). Apparently, He didn't think so, because later that night, through my small group, I got free ice skating and free pizza and Coke afterward! After my small group had a crazy time ice skating outside around a giant Christmas tree(which we decided was decorated by stone giants, by the way- I've been ice skating before, but never outside, so that was pretty awesome, especially since my group was there). We had the pizza later that night, which was free!!!, and then they gave me the left over pizzas and bottles of pop! Honestly, can there be any other explanation for all this stuff? There's more to this story, but I won't go into detail because I think I've made my point. (basically, I am getting all my meals and some other stuff for free this whole week pretty much, and I never even asked any person for any of this!) After all this, I finally believed those above verses, especially Malachi 3. I never really thought of God would "open the windows of heaven and pour out such blessings that there will not be enough room for them" (Mal. 3:10). I think I felt this way because I always thought God wanted us to focus on Him rather than material stuff. Besides, when ever I asked for stuff in the past, I usually didn't get the pointless material things that I wanted. I'm not saying this means God is supporting materialism, but He does provide. I also learned that out of humility and true belief, God can and will give you what you need. It reminds me of when Jesus reminds everyone that God takes care of the birds, so He surely will take care of us...We just have to believe and ask with the right motives. And this is why I think God keeps throwing all of this at me: I asked with better motives this time. I've been given so much spiritually and physically lately to the point that I almost feel guilty for getting so much and having so much, hence the title of this blog-Heaven's Raining Blessings and I need an umbrella!- But then I realized that God doesn't want me to keep all this stuff for myself, and neither do I. Through my unclear vision of God's plan, I decided that this is God's way of answering someone else's prayers. Now that I have so much, in both aspects of my life, I can give back to God and other people. I'm not saying that this giving back depends on if I have money, time, etc; I should do it no matter what. Still, I think that all of this is going to benefit not only me, but other people, too. So I guess I don't need that umbrella anymore!
God's kingdom isn't a matter of what you put in your stomach, for goodness' sake. It's what God does with your life as he sets it right, puts it together, and completes it with joy. Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Do that and you'll kill two birds with one stone: pleasing the God above you and proving your worth to the people around you.
Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins." -The Message-
I've been writing all day; since 3:00 pm, my hands have pounded upon my keyboard, and what do I do after hours of writing for class?: I write some more. That's the one thing you surely will discover about me; I love to write. And as a hopeful English major in college, this is probably a good thing. I've enjoyed writing for some time, and now I am finally developing it, both academically and creatively. So for those of you who rather dislike my, more or less, wordy transcendental essays, there's still hope; my creative non-fiction, as well as my fiction will be on here, too. I doubt anyone will wake up in the middle of the night to see if I've posted any new blogs, but I will probably wake up in the late hours of the night to post something new. Either way, someone benefits from this; I get to write, you get to read. I'd say that's a pretty good deal. Titled as Thinking Evolved, this blog does just that. As Henry David Thoreau wrote, "Things do not change; WE change." And I think this is so true. In general, people have been dealing with the same questions, struggles, and joys since the dawn of time. Those tings have not changed, but we change, and that is, for better or worse, a good thing. Life would be pretty boring if personal attributes did not change. I for one am glad I have changed since first grade, since high school, and since last week. Change can be a bother, but it is still, nonetheless, inevitable. So this, as a result, is how I deal with that change, along with my thoughts, creativity, and pretty much everything else.
